MATCHA.EXE

MY EXPERIENCES WITH D.I.D. PART 1

COMING OUT AS A SYSTEM

recently on twitter, i came out as someone who has Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) everyone has taken it very well so far and i am so thankful for all of your support 💖

i also asked people to ask me any questions that they may have about my system or D.I.D. in general, and y'all delivered! i won't be answering every question in this blog post, but if y'all enjoy this one i'll write another one on my experiences with D.I.D!

i want to preface this blog post by saying that these are my personal experiences with D.I.D. not everyone has the same experiences, symptoms, etc. and i am aware of this. if i get something wrong, please provide sources to correct me. let's keep things respectful and behave like adults.

KEYWORDS AND DEFINITIONS

when it comes to dissociative disorders, there are lots of terms that neurotypical people may not be aware of! here are some of the most common ones that i'll be using in this blog post:

  • Alter: A seperate and distinct identity that resides in a system. There are usually more than one alters in a system, all with unique personalities, speech patterns, genders, sexualities, beliefs, ages, and more.
  • Front/Fronting: Whichever alter that's in control of the body (or conscious alongside the alter controlling the body) is in the front or fronting.
  • Host: The alter(s) who front(s) most often.
  • Split/Splitting: The formation of a new alter.
  • System: A collection of alters within one body. Refers to those with dissociative identities or alters.

THE BEGINNING

2019 was the year that we first realized that something about us was different. i kept losing track of time, finding myself in places that i didn't remember going to, and forgetting everything. these are all common symptoms of dissociation. it was only when one of my oldest alters revealed himself to me that i was certain that something about me was different. upon further research, i determined that my symptoms are consistent with those of D.I.D.

looking back, D.I.D. has always been a part of my life. i had a pretty rough childhood (we're not gonna get into it lol), which is the most common cause of a dissociative disorder. some of my alters have been around since i was a young kid! it's been fascinating and healing to get to know all of the individuals who share my body.

i will admit that i have not seen a professional about this, but i have my reasons. D.I.D. is a controversial disorder. many, including some healthcare professionals, do not believe in this disorder or believe that people fake it for attention. diagnosis is a privilege that is not accesible to everyone. i would love to receive a diagnosis one day once i find a doctor that i can trust.

PRESENT DAY

since realizing that i'm a part of a system back in 2019, my system has grown larger with more and more alters splitting. as i'm writing this, we currently have 22 alters in our system, including Matcha. there may be some that we don't know about that aren't included in that 22, but there's no way for us to know.

when more alters started showing up back in 2019 to 2020 and even 2021, we did have some conflicting beliefs. this led to arguments, fights, and the like, but things are a lot calmer now. we have the occasional quarrel, but nothing serious has occured in quite some time.

we currently have 3 different hosts, all of whom are above the age of 22. if they wish to introduce themselves, i will let them do so!

overall, i'm proud to be a system and i'm happy that i've finally come out about something really personal to me. if you have any questions whatsoever, please feel free to leave a message in the sidebar chat, send me a DM somewhere, or you can send an anonymous ask on tumblr!

if you think that you may have a dissociative disorder, please check out the resources that i've linked below, talk to someone close to you, or speak with a healthcare professional.

again, thank you so much for supporting me through this. it means so much to me and i appreciate you! i hope you've enjoyed reading this blog entry!

RESOURCES

here are a few websites that i referenced while writing this blog entry:

NAVIGATION

CURRENT MOOD

CHAT